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Ebook About From the creator of Your Fat Friend and co-host of the Maintenance Phase podcast, an explosive indictment of the systemic and cultural bias facing plus-size people.Anti-fatness is everywhere. In What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Fat, Aubrey Gordon unearths the cultural attitudes and social systems that have led to people being denied basic needs because they are fat and calls for social justice movements to be inclusive of plus-sized people’s experiences. Unlike the recent wave of memoirs and quasi self-help books that encourage readers to love and accept themselves, Gordon pushes the discussion further towards authentic fat activism, which includes ending legal weight discrimination, giving equal access to health care for large people, increased access to public spaces, and ending anti-fat violence. As she argues, “I did not come to body positivity for self-esteem. I came to it for social justice.”By sharing her experiences as well as those of others—from smaller fat to very fat people—she concludes that to be fat in our society is to be seen as an undeniable failure, unlovable, unforgivable, and morally condemnable. Fatness is an open invitation for others to express disgust, fear, and insidious concern. To be fat is to be denied humanity and empathy. Studies show that fat survivors of sexual assault are less likely to be believed and less likely than their thin counterparts to report various crimes; 27% of very fat women and 13% of very fat men attempt suicide; over 50% of doctors describe their fat patients as “awkward, unattractive, ugly and noncompliant”; and in 48 states, it’s legal—even routine—to deny employment because of an applicant’s size.Advancing fat justice and changing prejudicial structures and attitudes will require work from all people. What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Fat is a crucial tool to create a tectonic shift in the way we see, talk about, and treat our bodies, fat and thin alike.Book What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat Review :
I had no idea. Those words kept coming to mind as I learned from Aubrey Gordon about how people who fall into the categories she calls “superfat” (women’s sizes 26-32) and “infinifat” (women’s size 34 and up) can get thrown off planes with no warning. They often cannot get medical care because they are told to lose weight before they will be treated. They experience severe job discrimination and receive much lower pay. They get publically shamed by friends and strangers, and shamed on the media, in ways that cause the kind of deep stress that results in health issues. Very fat men experience just as much shame as women. She also has some powerful things to say about the effect of fat shaming on children.I thought I understood fat shaming because I experienced it constantly from my mother, and I internalized her messages. My mother fat-shamed me before I was fat. At 13, I had a rounded build, inherited from my father, while my mother was very slim. She began to micromanage what I ate, and in response, I turned to binge eating. Gordon reflects my own experience when she says that people who feel shamed often eat more in order to comfort themselves, and they often engage in binge eating. I spent my late teens and young adult life a “small fat” person, what Gordon calls women who wear size 16-18. From age 30 to the present, I have been what she calls “mid-fat,” wearing sizes 20 to 24. I’m at the bottom of that range now, but spent several years at the top of that range, and I experienced a difference within that range – the higher weight resulted in more criticism from strangers. As a mid-fat person, I have also experienced many instructions from doctors to lose weight. But my greatest source of fat-shaming is my own inner voices, telling me the “truths” that Gordon says so many people believe: “(1) Becoming thin is a life accomplishment and the only way to start living a real, full, human life. (2) All fatness is a shameful moral failing. (3) Thinness is a naturally superior way of being. (3) Fat people who stay fat deserve to be mocked.”Those of us who experience internal fat-shaming messages – but very few external barriers to a full life – have no idea the extent to which very fat people are stigmatized, criticized, and discriminated against. Gordon says that many comments she receives are cloaked with the language of “health” and “concern.” She has brilliant section on what true concern looks like, beginning with this: “Concern is curious, tender, loving. Concern is direct and heartfelt. Concern does its work delicately, with great care.” She writes that concern does not include paternalism or open contempt. And she describes the many, many times fat people receive paternalistic advice and vicious contempt. People, she says, “push aside the hard work of empathy and opt for the ease and satisfaction of judgment.”I know I have tried just about everything in order to weigh less than I do. Why would I – or anyone else – need to assume that very fat people haven’t tried or aren’t trying? Gordon points out that people can be fat for many reasons beyond their control, including heredity, medications, and the financial inability to buy anything other than cheap food. She also points out that fat people can be healthy metabolically and in other measurable ways.Gordon’s personal stories are vivid and made me want to weep. I applaud her courage in telling them. She draws on research data very well, too. Her writing is clear and easy to read. I read the book in two evenings in a row because I found it so absorbing.Gordon is co-host of a great podcast, “Maintenance Phase.” She and her co-host Michael Hobbes (who also co-hosts the “You’re Wrong About” podcast) look at things we believe about health in analytical, humorous, and helpful way. I commend both the podcast and this powerful book. I really enjoy Gordon’s online writing as Your Fat Friend and was thrilled she wrote a book! (And even more thrilled to find out, now that she's no longer anonymous, that she’s my age and lives in my town — no wonder I feel an affinity for her.) Be fair-warned, fat friends, this is not an easy read as you will no doubt recognize echoes of your own the deep traumas from weight stigma. It was difficult for me to get through this book because of how often I could relate to the stigma she has experienced as a fellow fat queer woman living in the United States. I could have written this book — not as well-written by far, but the content at least — and the greater themes and statistics are deeply familiar to me as someone who is already active in the fat liberation movement.Perhaps this book wasn't one I really needed to read, and maybe this book isn't a must-read for other fat people who already recognize that weight stigma is far worse for our health than anything society attributes to our body size. I'm glad I read it, nonetheless, because it made me confront my disappointment and frustration with friends and family who don't realize what it’s like to live in a marginalized body like mine. It galvanized me to expect more from the people in my life. I asked myself, “Would So&So read this book if I explained to them why it matters to me?” and if the answer was “No, they would never believe my experience or care enough about fat people to do better” then I reevaluated what role I wanted them to play in my life.We need more voices speaking up against weight stigma. I admire that Gordon is explicitly trying to reach and educate those who haven't considered what effect their internalized weight stigma and the diet culture we live in has on us all, regardless of body size. Change has been far too slow to come but the more voices like Gordon’s are calling for it, the better. It’s a well-written, well-researched, deeply personal book that’s should be very accessible to a wide audience. 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